a soft truth about growing older and moving too fast

.
.
because I’m living my days, but not inside them

time didn’t suddenly speed up
I just stopped noticing it the way I used to

my mind is always somewhere else
half in the moment
the next thing
the feed
the noise

and when you’re split like that
days shrink

the blur

.
.
everything feels urgent, even when it isn’t

messages
notifications
tiny decisions
tiny distractions

my brain keeps switching
and switching makes time blur
like flipping through a book too fast to read the pages

the sameness

.
.
routine compresses memory

wake up
work
scroll
eat
scroll
sleep

when days repeat
my brain saves them as one
and suddenly a week feels like a day
a month feels like a week

the growing

.
.
time feels faster because I’ve lived more of it

when I was young
everything was new
my brain recorded every detail

now
I’ve seen more
done more
my mind filters the small things
and filtered days feel shorter

the rushing

.
.
I move from one thing to the next without breathing

I don’t sit in silence
I don’t get bored
I don’t let my mind wander

and boredom
slowness
quiet
are what stretch time

the moments that used to slow time

.
.
the things that made time feel wide when we were younger

• long afternoons with nothing planned
• waiting for someone to call the house phone
• walking around the neighborhood just to kill time
• sitting on the floor talking for hours
• watching the sky change color
• being unreachable
• playing outside until the streetlights came on
• lying on the bed staring at the ceiling
• doing one thing at a time
• feeling the day instead of documenting it
• letting moments be moments
• not knowing the time until someone yelled dinner

we didn’t know it then
but those slow moments were stretching time for us

the truth

.
.
my days feel shorter now because I’m not fully in them

I’m present
but not present
awake
but not aware

and time shrinks
when I don’t let myself feel it

and for me

.
.
I can slow time again, gently

not by doing less
but by noticing more

the light
the air
the moment
the breath

time softens
when I do

and I deserve that softness